What you leave behind

 

Several months ago I started thinking about what I could leave the children of Orange Farm that would help them remember me. I decided to sew school bags.  

 

 

This week we delivered them to the Primary children

 I also made scripture totes for the wonderful ladies I have served with in the Primary 

One of these sweet ladies said,

 "Oh you don't have to worry Sister Kinghorn we won't forget you."

It's not that I want them to remember ME

 

I want them to remember how much I loved them

and to know that I will never forget them

 

I know many of the children don't understand that I will be leaving

 

One Sunday they will come to church and look around and see that I am not there

they may just think that we are traveling

but the next week and the next week when they see that I don't return, they will begin to understand that I am not coming back

 

My little friends who greet me
as soon as we drive into the school yard

won't understand why I have not returned

My little Rarisang who holds my hand each Sunday when we walk to class will wonder where I went

 

She will look around during singing time and realize that I won't be joining them

 
My friends who borrow my scriptures and my childrens song book each week and the children who carry my bag will wonder
why I haven't returned

It's not that I haven't told them that I will be retuning to America but I just don't think they realize how far away that is and that I will never be coming back
It reminds me of when we were preparing to leave for our mission and our five year old grandson, Cash kept would say,
"bye Nana and Papa have fun on your mission"
for weeks before we departed every time we said good-bye
He knew we were going on a mission but he didn't quite understand when we were leaving or how long we would be gone

Just the other day I was talking to Cash on Skype and telling him that we would be home soon and he looked at me with a rather blank expression

His little mind was processing SOON
Nana and Papa will be home SOON
I think he has given up on expecting our return

Children don't have much of a concept of time
I am sure our grandchildren didn't realize how many birthdays baseball games lemonade stands and school plays we would miss

And now when we say we will be home soon
they can't comprehend that we will be back in their daily lives again in a matter of days

So here we are in the same place we were 18 months ago
feeling a tug at our hearts knowing what we will leave behind
The next 11 days will be difficult

So many LAST
The last Monday morning devotional
The last Area Welfare Committee Meeting
The last time we have dinner with dear friends
The last Family Home Evening Group
The last Zone Meeting
The last trip to the Temple
and the hardest one of all will be

The last day at Orange Farm
Although a part of me wants to enjoy every  minute of our remaining time here in Africa......
another part of me wishes we could skip the
LAST
and save my heart from breaking