What you leave behind

 

Several months ago I started thinking about what I could leave the children of Orange Farm that would help them remember me. I decided to sew school bags.  

 

 

This week we delivered them to the Primary children

 I also made scripture totes for the wonderful ladies I have served with in the Primary 

One of these sweet ladies said,

 "Oh you don't have to worry Sister Kinghorn we won't forget you."

It's not that I want them to remember ME

 

I want them to remember how much I loved them

and to know that I will never forget them

 

I know many of the children don't understand that I will be leaving

 

One Sunday they will come to church and look around and see that I am not there

they may just think that we are traveling

but the next week and the next week when they see that I don't return, they will begin to understand that I am not coming back

 

My little friends who greet me
as soon as we drive into the school yard

won't understand why I have not returned

My little Rarisang who holds my hand each Sunday when we walk to class will wonder where I went

 

She will look around during singing time and realize that I won't be joining them

 
My friends who borrow my scriptures and my childrens song book each week and the children who carry my bag will wonder
why I haven't returned

It's not that I haven't told them that I will be retuning to America but I just don't think they realize how far away that is and that I will never be coming back
It reminds me of when we were preparing to leave for our mission and our five year old grandson, Cash kept would say,
"bye Nana and Papa have fun on your mission"
for weeks before we departed every time we said good-bye
He knew we were going on a mission but he didn't quite understand when we were leaving or how long we would be gone

Just the other day I was talking to Cash on Skype and telling him that we would be home soon and he looked at me with a rather blank expression

His little mind was processing SOON
Nana and Papa will be home SOON
I think he has given up on expecting our return

Children don't have much of a concept of time
I am sure our grandchildren didn't realize how many birthdays baseball games lemonade stands and school plays we would miss

And now when we say we will be home soon
they can't comprehend that we will be back in their daily lives again in a matter of days

So here we are in the same place we were 18 months ago
feeling a tug at our hearts knowing what we will leave behind
The next 11 days will be difficult

So many LAST
The last Monday morning devotional
The last Area Welfare Committee Meeting
The last time we have dinner with dear friends
The last Family Home Evening Group
The last Zone Meeting
The last trip to the Temple
and the hardest one of all will be

The last day at Orange Farm
Although a part of me wants to enjoy every  minute of our remaining time here in Africa......
another part of me wishes we could skip the
LAST
and save my heart from breaking

 

 

A Piece of My Heart Will Always Be In Africa

 I can't believe it is almost time to get on the plane and leave South Africa

 We only have 20 days left in this beautiful country

Soon we will be asked to speak about our mission experience in Africa

 

I have wondered, what will I say?

It sounds so cliché to say that a piece of my heart will always be in Africa, but that is how I feel

Each time I take a child's hand in mine

Each time I watch a brilliant sunset

Each time I drive through the bush
and feel the warm African sun on my face  

 I feel a tug at my heart

 

Each time I put my black missionary name tag on 

Each time I walk into the Area Office
and see the faces of all the people I have come to know and love

I feel a tug at my heart

 

A few weeks ago my friend Kathleen came to visit

 and we had a chance to go into the Bush for what would be the last time 

I was filled with gratitude  

With each sunset 

Each time we climbed into the game vehicle

and witnessed God's creations

 I marveled at how blessed we have been
to have experienced such beauty
 

It isn't a surprise that  I have considered

Sunday's in Orange Farm one of the greatest gifts of our mission
It doesn't matter how difficult the week has been
I have always felt renewed, recommitted and full of God's love when I leave Orange Farm 

I am so grateful
for these sweet Angels who truly have stolen my heart
In 20 days I will feel like I have left a piece of my heart with these sweet souls

What will say when I am asked to speak about my mission?

That I know that Heavenly Father is aware
of every detail of our lives
That this mission wasn't really about what we could do for the people of Africa
It was more about my own personal growth
and the lessons I had to learn about myself and my eternal companion
I know that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me and that he wants me to have joy in this life
I know that he knew there would be days that I would be discouraged
I know that he knew there would be difficult tasks for Bruce and I to accomplish
I know that my Heavenly Father believes in me
I know that I can do hard things
I know that he doesn't leave us comfortless
I know that he knows how much I love my family and that I would miss them terribly
I know that he knows that Bruce and I would much rather be in the field working with the people and not in an office all day

I KNOW THAT HE KNOWS BECAUSE

 he gave me beautiful African sunsets
THE WARMS AFRICAN SUN ON MY FACE 
trips to the bush
 great friends
 wonderful people to work with
  a Perfect Companion
who loves me in spite of my weaknesses
and
ORANGE FARM

 

I guess I will say that I left a piece of my heart in South Africa